News Desk
“We didn’t think anyone would actually rob here,” says entire country.
VELANA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT — In what experts are calling “the Maldives’ most ambitious crossover event since the Tourism GST revision,” two Bank of Maldives (BML) employees were robbed early Monday morning after masked men decided to test the country’s unbroken streak of “robbery-free since forever.”
The employees, who were carrying a suitcase full of dollars meant for outbound travellers, were reportedly threatened with knives as they entered the airport’s new terminal. The robbers then fled toward the sea — as all respectable Maldivian criminals do — in a speedboat launch.
Authorities described the suspects as “people who have definitely seen at least three seasons of Money Heist and thought, why not?”
“We Thought It Was a Movie Shoot”
Eyewitnesses say the robbery occurred at around 4:45 a.m. “I just saw two people in masks running with a suitcase. I thought they were filming something for TV,” said one airport staffer, still visibly disappointed to learn it was real life.
Police confirmed the robbery but declined to say how much money was stolen, citing “ongoing investigation and mild embarrassment.” Sources say the suitcase contained “hundreds of thousands of dollars — or maybe less — depending on who you ask at the coffee shop.”
Security? Never Heard of It
In a move that has puzzled many, BML did not use police security for the cash transfer. When asked why, one insider reportedly said, “We didn’t think anyone in Maldives would actually rob something. Have you seen our crime rate? People return lost phones with apology notes.”
Meanwhile, Velana International Airport’s management said they have “robust” layers of security in place, including police, military, aviation command, and a newly invented department called Estate Security, whose main role, according to insiders, is “making sure nobody parks too close to the terminal.”
“We’re Reviewing Our Procedures,” Says Everyone
BML may release a statement confirming that two employees were “carrying money to the counter” and that “procedures are being reviewed.” Sources inside the bank may claim the new review process involves printing “DO NOT WALK ALONE WITH SUITCASE OF CASH AT 4:45 AM” in bold on the next staff manual.
The Maldives Police Service may say they are investigating the case and will “share updates when convenient,” which locals interpret as “never, unless the robbers post it on TikTok first.”
The Great Airport Mystery
The robbers are believed to have escaped by sea, reportedly using a launch that approached the airport from the lagoon side — a move that aviation analysts are calling “aggressively Maldivian.”
As the nation wakes up to the idea that robbery is, in fact, a thing that can happen here, social media users have been quick to react.
“So someone watched Money Heist and thought, yeah, but what if it’s 4:45 am and humid?” wrote one user.
“At least they didn’t rob the souvenir shop,” another added.
For now, BML has promised to “enhance safety protocols,” possibly by having a security guard who stays awake during early morning shifts.
Meanwhile, citizens across the country are reeling from the revelation that “Maldives is not too safe to be robbed anymore.”
Police urge anyone with information about the robbery—or a launch with suspiciously new outboard engines—to come forward.
Until then, BML staff have been advised to watch fewer Netflix crime dramas and maybe, just maybe, use the armoured car next time.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of satire. Names, quotes, and situations are exaggerated for humour and social commentary. While inspired by real events, it should not be read as factual reporting.
