News Desk
MALE,—Bank of Maldives (BML) found itself in hot water after admitting to a glitch that gleefully deducted money from customer accounts twice, like an overzealous tax collector with a vendetta. The bank, which has apparently been busy installing ATMs in remote corners of the archipelago only to have them sassily refuse service, claimed the double-charge issue is now fixed—but the damage to its reputation is stickier than a spilled mango milkshake.
Social media erupted like a monsoon storm as BML customers vented their frustrations on X. “I paid for a fish curry, and now my account thinks I bought the whole ocean,” one user raged. Others reported transactions frozen in “pending” purgatory, with their balances plummeting like they’d splurged on a private atoll. “Pending? My money’s not pending—it’s on vacation!” another tweeted, probably while eyeing their piggy bank with renewed interest.
Adding insult to injury, BML’s shiny new ATMs, freshly planted in far-flung locales where even Wi-Fi fears to tread, have been greeting customers with digital disdain. “We can’t serve you. Please take a shower and come back,” one ATM screen allegedly flashed, leaving sweaty islanders to wonder if their bank now doubles as a hygiene police. “I trekked to the middle in mid-day heat, and the machine roasts me?” one disgruntled customer posted, alongside a selfie with the offending ATM.
BML, caught flat-footed, tossed out a half-hearted reply to one X complaint, mumbling that “settled transactions are moonwalking as ‘pending,’ which messes with your balance.” They promised to reverse the charges “at the earliest,” which is banker code for “we’re googling ‘how to fix ATM’ right now.” Local outlets tried to pry a real comment from BML but got the cold shoulder, likely because the bank was too busy stapling “We’re Sorry” notes to palm trees near their snarky ATMs.
Insiders report BML’s IT crew was last seen scrambling to plugging and plugging their systems, while the bank’s PR team scrambles to explain why their machines are acting like judgmental aunties at a family reunion. Meanwhile, X is ablaze with memes of BML’s logo slapped onto a slot machine and a showerhead, because nothing says “modern banking” like losing your money and your dignity in one go.
Disclaimer: This is satire, folks! No ATMs actually insulted anyone’s hygiene, and your money’s probably safe… probably.
