News Desk
MALE’ — In a move that has left students clutching their loan applications and free degree dreams like messages in a bottle tossed into the Indian Ocean, the Ministry of Higher Education (MoHE) has proudly announced a revolutionary solution to its chronic unresponsiveness: a magical portal set to launch in October. This digital marvel, according to Minister Dr. Ali Hyder, will finally address the ministry’s daily deluge of 600 emails and letters—correspondence so overwhelming it’s apparently sunk their 14 executives into a bureaucratic abyss.
In a letter to PNC MP Ahmed Azan Marzooq—presumably one of the few pieces of mail the ministry did manage to send—Dr. Hyder explained that the scholarship, loan, and free degree sections are simply too busy to reply to students while juggling their “scheduled work,” like perfecting the art of the unanswered phone call. “We’re aiming to respond within seven days,” the minister declared heroically, before adding that they hope to shave it down to three days, assuming the ministry’s carrier pigeons can be trained in time.
Sources close to the ministry, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being ignored, revealed that the MoHE operates without even a basic auto-reply system to acknowledge incoming emails. “It’s not about a lack of staff,” one insider whispered from behind a stack of unopened letters. “Replying to phone calls or emails just isn’t part of the vibe here. It’s a cultural thing—like refusing to dive into a lagoon because the water’s too clear.”
Students, meanwhile, are left wondering if their queries have been lost in a digital dhoni adrift in the cyber seas. “I sent an email about my loan disbursement two months ago,” said a student in the UK. “I’m starting to think the minister himself is personally reading each one and just… vibing with it.”
The much-hyped portal, which Dr. Hyder claims will “speed up responses,” is already being hailed as the MoHE’s equivalent of a Maldives resort opening—big promises, high expectations, and a sneaking suspicion it’ll be delayed until the next monsoon. When EtruthMv sent an email to the ministry to inquire about the STEM education, we received no response—not even a poetic “lost at sea” bounce-back.
As October looms, students are preparing for the portal’s grand debut with the same cautious optimism they reserve for a sunny day during rainy season. Will the MoHE finally pick up the phone, or will this portal be another shiny helmet for the minister to polish while students wait?
