News Desk
Male’, Maldives — In a move that has left the nation both baffled and cackling, the Ministry of Dhivehi Language, Culture, and Heritage has once again proven it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Their latest stunt? An advertisement for a “researcher” to study the oh-so-complex “Dhvehivanthakan” with qualifications so low you’d need a snorkel to find them. Picture this: a 35-year-old who barely passed secondary school with two D grades, a shiny C in Dhivehi (because, you know, it’s our mother tongue), and three years of shuffling papers as an admin. That’s right, folks—this is the brain trust the ministry wants to pay MVR 30,000 a month to “research” south Asia’s most unique language.
Let’s break it down for the good people of Maldives, because this is peak comedy. The job comes with a base salary of MVR 25,000—more than what most teachers, nurses, or even engineers take home after years of actual study. Oh, and there’s a cherry on top: a MVR 5,000 “research allowance” for, what, buying a notebook and some Milo to sip while doodling words like “bodu kaafu” and “kuda kaafu”? But wait, it gets better!
This barely literate scholar must also prepare presentations in both Dhivehi and English. Yes, because nothing screams “bilingual genius” like scraping by with a D in O-levels. One can only imagine the PowerPoint: Comic Sans, clip art of a coconut tree, and “Dhivehi Langwage” splashed across the title slide.
Now, let’s be real. The Maldives isn’t exactly short on talent. Our dhoni captains, with their MAs, could write theses on navigation; our resort workers juggle three languages before breakfast; and our cashiers have PhDs from European universities. Yet, the ministry seems to think the key to preserving our cultural heritage is hiring someone who’d struggle to read the menu at a sai hotaa. As MP Azaan pointed out on X, this “researcher” would pocket MVR 35,000 (because, oops, the ministry’s math was as shaky as their standards) while doctors, nurses, and civil servants—the actual backbone of this country—earn less for doing real work. Months of this so-called “research,” and what do we get? Probably a report with more spelling errors than a toddler’s doodle pad.
The public, bless their hearts, didn’t let this slide. Social media lit up with memes, roasts, and some very valid questions about what the ministry’s been smoking. The backlash was so fierce that the gazetted ad was yanked faster than a tourist fleeing a monsoon. But don’t break out the celebratory mood just yet. This is the Maldives, where the next ministry brainwave might be hiring a “Chief Marine Biologist” who’s only qualified to feed the fish at a resort aquarium.
So, what’s the takeaway, dear readers? The Ministry of Dhivehi Language, Culture, and Heritage has shown us that when it comes to preserving our heritage, they’d rather hire their cousin’s uncle’s neighbor than someone who can actually read a book. It’s a mockery of our language, our culture, and every Maldivian who’s worked hard for a degree only to be outranked by a guy with a C in Dhivehi and a knack for sipping coffee from a paper cup. Stay sharp, Maldives—this joke’s on us, but we’re not laughing.
Follow our satirical style for more updates on the ministry’s next “genius” idea.
Image: Sarukaaru.gov.mv
